What? I'm just (bi-)curious!

Overheard at Midtown . . .

Girl to Mom: You know who has the best ass?
Mom: Who?
Girl: Jesse M-----.
Mom: Is that a guy or a girl?

Savvy senior citizen

Overheard at the Leonard Cohen concert . . .

Leonard Cohen: It's been a long time since I stood on a stage here — 14 or 15 years. I was 60 then . . . . just a kid with a crazy dream. (Smile)

Use the force, Mahatma!

Overheard by "Offe" near the sculpture of Gandhi on 2nd Avenue . . .

One young girl to another: Let's go stand by that Star Wars guy!

Over 1 Billion Wiped (?)

Overheard by "Deep Fried" at the 2nd Avenue McDonald's . . .

Woman, to a friend, after ordering a cheeseburger: I'm just going to take a bunch of napkins because we're never going to buy toilet paper.

Use your inside voice

Overheard in a parking lot . . . 

Girl 1: I was at a party hammered as f---. And I had to listen to screamo music. I AM NOT INTO SCREAMO MUSIC!!

Girl 2: You're screaming.

Leather chaps optional

Overheard in men's bathroom at Winston's . . .

Drunk guy on cellphone at urinals: Well, tell her to f---ing wait! . . . (pause) . . . OK, we'll get a cab now. But if you guys leave me at that f---ing cowboy bar, I'll f---ing kill you!

Name that tune

The following was overheard by "Back in Town" at Divine on Broadway. R.E.M.'s song Man on the Moon was playing on the store's audio system.

Female staffer: Hey, Great Big Sea! I love this band!
Male staffer: Yeah, so good. Wait, I think this might actually be Flock of Seagulls.
Female staffer: Nah! They don't sound that good.
Male staffer: No, no Hootie & The Blowfish.
Female staffer walks over to read the name of the band: R.E.M.?! This doesn't sound anything like that With or Without You song . . .

Something fishy here . . .

Overheard at Buds on Broadway . . .

Drunk guy: I've got some tuna in my car right now. I was supposed to go over to this chick's house for tuna dinner. Didn't work out. That's OK. She's PMS-ing and she said she'd probably rip my head off. I believe it, too, the way she's been acting. I just said, "Tell me when the coast is clear." So yeah, I've got this tuna in my car.

Do NOT look under the mattress!

Overheard by Saskboy at La Bodega (which is so far south that sometimes people think it's in Regina) . . .

Guy to friends: I remember that time I hit a deer on the way to Grandma's and almost swerved into a truck. I only thought, "I hope my apartment is clean because someone is going to have to go through it [when I'm dead]."

A sign of the times

A couple got married by a justice of the peace in the back room of the Broadway Roastery. After the ceremony, a woman who'd been taking pictures said to the couple, "You'll have to Photoshop out that sign behind you." The sign read: THERE IS ALWAYS NEXT TIME.

Gandhi mentored my PC

Overheard by Cadmium Sandwiches at the family computer . . .

50-ish computer novice: So what does the hourglass thingy mean?

Daughter: It is showing you it's processing information.

50-ish computer novice: So the hourglass means the computer is meditating to find inner happiness?

Here comes the bride . . .

Overheard at the Roastery . . .

Christian girl 1: I don't know what the infatuation with strapless dresses is.

Christian girl 2: I like my back showing . . . low.

Christian girl 1: Yeah. But you don't wanna look too sexy on your wedding day. You're wearing white because you're virtuous.

Old McDonald had a farm . . .

Overheard by April while working on a farm . . .

Farmhand 1: Hey, guess what I had for breakfast this morning.
Farmhand 2: Umm, cereal?
Farmhand 1: Nope, hamburgers. Two of them.

She's got a fast car, but no dictionary

Our thanks to the barista at the Broadway Starbucks who eavesdropped on a date and heard a girl deliver this impressive gem:

Girl: "I really like old-school hip hop. Like Tracy Chapman and stuff."

She went on to say . . .

Girl: "I'm the king of fasting or whatever."

Guy: "Oh yeah?"

Girl: "Yeah, I really like being full."