These guys are straight shooters

Overheard on the roof of The Yard . . .

30's guy: "Maccabee's is straight up the worst beer in the world. There's a reason the Israelis have never lost a war . . . it's because they can drink this beer."

Never wake a sleepwalker

Overheard at New Island Sushi . . .

20's male with friends: "We were saying that if a zombie infestation hit 20th Street, you wouldn't even realize it. You see the same people walking every day. This guy was like, 'What about the blood?' and I replied, 'Like I said, you wouldn't even realize it.' "

What are they talking about?

Overheard in an office . . .

Twenties woman: "Size doesn't really matter."
Forties woman: "Well, do you want to try a medium one?"
Twenties woman: "Sure."
Forties woman: "Yeah, try that and if you like it, I'll get you another one."

Have another beer

Overheard outside the Yard . . .

Cat owner: "I figured out what to do with my kitties."
Male friend: "You've got two. You only need one."
Female friend: "No, you've gotta have two cats."
Male friend: "What are you talking about?"
Cat owner: "My kitties . . . my cats."
Male friend: "Oh! I thought you said KIDNEYS!"

Future considerations

Overheard by Amanda in the women's bathroom at O'Hanlon's in Regina (we make exceptions from time to time) . . .

Tall girl 1: "I bought Todd two shirts today."
Tall girl 2: "Why?"
Tall girl 1: "Because he needed them."
Tall girl 2: "Because you feel guilty."
Tall girl 1: "About what?"
Tall girl 2: "About Dusty."
Tall girl 1: "I never *SLEPT* with Dusty."
Tall girl 2: "I guess that makes you a clean girl, then."
Tall girl 1: "But I'm going to."
Tall girl 2: "See? Guilty."

That's wacky tabaccy

Overheard near Idylwyld Esso . . .

Older man: "Years ago, when Peter Jackson cigarettes first came out, we used to say they were made of horseshit and cabbage leaves, but they forgot the cabbage leaves."

This happens a lot, does it?

Overheard at the 2nd Avenue sidewalk sale . . . 

A white, middle-aged man is talking to no one in particular. He seems healthy and well-dressed. But as he passes one stranger, he lifts his pant leg and shows a scab on his shin.

"I'm getting really tired of getting beat up with a baseball bat," he says.

Hey, kid! You don't know Jack.

Overheard by K-Mac at the Jazz Festival . . .

Sitting in the beer gardens, drunk young people dare one of their cohorts to approach "Jack Layton" in the audience. But it's a case of mistaken identity as the older gentleman has far less hair which is GREY not white, and he easily has 20 years on Layton. The dared individual returns to his friends and laments, "I could have totally swore that was him!"

No, not that king!

Overheard at a hair salon . . .

Male customer: "That Michael Jackson memorial is today."

Female stylist: "Oh, really? I don't know anything about it. Where is it being held? Graceland?"

Stupid human tricks

Found in the Bessborough Gardens during the Jazz Festival . . .

What's my line? This . . .

Overheard by Brett outside of Lydia's . . .

Smoker guy to female passer-by: "I have fresh incense and a studio apartment."