The STARE masters

Attractive girl walks by in tight shirt and lululemon pants . . .

Biker 1: I wanna be 20 again. Where were those girls hiding when I was 20? It must be all the chemicals in the food or something. Pretty soon there won't be an ugly girl in the world.

Biker 2: Do you think your missus will ever find someone else?

Biker 1: I don't give a fuck.

"And then . . . and then . . ."

Overheard by Coolio in a women's bathroom in Chamberlain . . .

Woman in stall with a chatty kid: "OK, buddy, but right now you've got to concentrate on pooping. Hurry up."

Make up your mind, sexy-voiced lady

Overheard on Rock 102 . . .

Deejay Alexis on Wednesday:

" . . . still my favourite band of all-time, that's Theory of a Deadman."

Deejay Alexis on Friday:

" . . . in the last year, those guys have probably become my favourite band of all-time — Kings of Leon!"

White trash would never do that!

Overheard on a patio . . .

Guy 1: "What happened to that frame in your yard?"

Guy 2: "The white trash called the city on me. I might look white trash, I guess. [*Trucker hat, collared cowboy shirt] Anyway, I wanted to use that frame to build a big mud-bogging thing."

Guilty until proven innocent

Overheard by Coolio by at the courthouse . . .

After going through the courthouse metal detector, a woman says: "What are they going to ask me to do next? Bend over and cough?"

This ain't Jax, ladies!

Overheard at the Broadway Roastery, two attractive women discussing life in Las Vegas . . .

Woman: "I was wearing this little, short skirt. Thought I was just hoochin' it up. Then I walk in there (The Belagio) and I look like grandma!"

"We can't do this," he said. "I'm not ready."

Overheard at Mystic Java . . .

Guy 1: "Yeah, so that's the girl who tried to take my yoga virginity."

Guy 2: "My sister took mine. Oh, that sounds bad."

Ummm, about that child support . . .

Overheard by Todd in the men's room at Maguires Pub . . .

Two young girls enter the men's room (to be bold or edgy) and some patron grumbles and says, "Fuck off." Then a 50-something man says, "Hey, be good to these girls. They could be my daughters." The young girls giggle and one grabs the old guy's arm. Then he proceeds to add, "Yeah, 20 years ago I was banging all kinds of sluts around here."

Ummm, so it's not Father's Day today?

Overheard by LC in a Broadway back alley at about 4 a.m. . . .

Very drunk woman: "Your kids don't love you! Your kids don't love you! You know why? Because YOU'RE NOT THEIR DAD!!"

I don't care if she can vote!

Overheard outside of the Spadina Freehouse . . .

Male hipster: "Why are you calling her? She's only 18."

Hipster's friend: "What do you mean?"

Male hipster: "Don't call underage girls. They can't do anything for us."

No tip for you!

Overheard at Katouki Taverna. Two guys complaining about the servers at The Freehouse . . .

Guy 1: "They just use their boobs. That's their only move. If you have a bunch of 17- or 18-year-olds, maybe that works."
Guy 2: "Yeah, but we've been to Vegas!"

. . . to pay for the wedding, I mean.

Overheard on 2nd Avenue . . .

Girl on bike to stranger: "Do you have an extra smoke?"

Stranger: "Yeah. Hold on."

Smiling man to stranger: "That's my daughter. You should fall in love with her. Hey, do you have any change?"

Do cliches impress girls?

Middle-aged dude talking to a middle-aged woman on a patio . . .

Man: "There's a lot between Heaven and Earth. At the end of the day, truth is stranger than fiction. I'm a man who casts his net wide."

Those hockey sticks look funny

Overheard between two thirtysomething guys at a field near Griffiths Stadium . . .

Guy 1: "What's going on here?"

Guy 2: "I seen some guys playing field hockey. That's for the girls, I thought."

Guy 1: "Umm, I think guys play it in the Olympics."

Guy 2: "You're kidding!"

From the shallow end . . .

Overheard at the Broadway Roastery — a young woman talking to two male friends . . .

Skinny blonde: "I'll do guys' hair and they'll rant and rave about their wives and say the nicest things. Then I'll meet their wives and they'll be overweight and not really that good looking. And I think, 'Wow. That's awesome that he's really in love with her.' "

Guess what revs my motor . . .

Two guys — a 30-something Newfoundlander, and an older, burly guy in a Harley jacket — are having coffee at the Roastery . . .

Newfoundlander: America's the fattest country, but Canada's not too far behind. Geez, you see some of those women and they're 700 pounds.

Burly guy: Yeah, but you know that beneath there somewhere, there's a nice little body.

Surprise!

Overheard by "broadwaybicyclist" who writes:

A car stops at a red light and the passenger gets out and walks to the sidewalk. I am on my bike, waiting to cross the crosswalk. The guy beside me sees the man who got out of the car and realizes that it's his friend. He says: "Tommy, you came out of nowhere! Like a suicide bomber!"

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful

Overheard by "SailorFat" at DQ . . .

Girl talking on her phone to a friend:

"You should get me a job at the cosmetics counter. I don't have any qualifications but just tell them I'm really beautiful and I'm sure I will get the job."

Good vibrations

Overheard at Eastview Bowl . . . a big, bearded guy describing his front-row seats for the upcoming Glen Campbell concert at TCU:

Man: "If he farts, I'll smell it."

This blog is getting dirty

Jo is a Saskatonian living in South Korea. That's where she heard this gem which was "too good not to share." We agree, so here it is . . .

14-year-old Korean boy's T-shirt: (picture of a bus and this message) "Please stop the bus and let my brother Jack off."

Ah, the innuendo . . .

Overheard outside of an office . . .

Woman 1: I'll have to slide it in and see if it fits.

Woman 2: Well, if it fits in yours, it will fit in mine.

Estrogen 1, Testosterone 0

Overheard by our loyal reader, Saskboy, who lives in the south Saskatoon suburb of Regina . . .

Woman: If a man and a woman have a disagreement, the woman is always right.

Man: But what if two men have a disagreement? Who is right then?

Woman: The more effeminate man is right.

She really purrs

Several motorcyclists are gathered in the parking lot of the Broadway Roastery. One guy starts up his lightweight bike and is immediately mocked . . .

Harley guy: What is that? A weed whacker?