He doesn't like to be disturbed

Overheard by "hannah" at the kitchen table . . .

Sister 1: When he's in the bath, he sure loves playing with his balls.

Sisters laugh while Sister 1 bounces her one-year-old son on her knee.

Sister 1: His colourful plastic toy balls.

What did you call me?

Overheard by "officechatter" . . .

Three guys and a girl are sharing Sweethearts candy.

Guy 1: What does yours say?

Guy 2: (squinting) Spooky Prick. Oh, Groovy Chick. It's hard to tell.

We're all on the same team here

In honour of the upcoming Super Bowl, we dig into the vault for this exchange overheard last year at the Roastery:

Girl 1: "It's not very busy in here."

Girl 2: "Well, the Super Bowl is on."

Girl 1: "It's the Super Bowl today?"

Girl 2: "Yeah, what kind of lesbian are you?"

He looks like his grandpa . . . but smaller

Overheard by "3tsh" in a downtown paint store . . .

Father calls to his toddler son: Gollum!

You men are all the same

Heterosexual girl to heterosexual guy: Don't become gay, man. Then you'll have to deal with the same problems as me.

— The Broadway Roastery

Who are these impostors?!

Overheard by "Pretty sure" at Coles in Midtown Plaza:

Clerk: Can I help you find anything?
Customer: Yeah, where do you keep the real books? Do you even have any real books? I have been through the whole store and can't find any.
Clerk: What do you mean by "real books"? All the books we have are real books.
Customer: Well, about real things.
Clerk: Is there anything in particular that you are looking for?
Customer: No, I just want to know where they are.
Clerk shows customer to the non-fiction section.
Customer: Okay . . .
Customer leaves shortly after not looking at the "real books" . . .

Beware the carnivorous fruit

Twentysomething woman, speaking into cellphone: Hi, I was wondering if you could answer a question for me because you're vegetarian. Are avocados vegetarian?

— Market Mall
(Submitted by "Jaw dropped")